I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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