my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The air taste purple.
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