friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
