Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
