Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I could make wine with my vomit
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
