true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
