girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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