she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
