i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Actions speak louder than pants.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
