You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
