tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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