In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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