dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
