OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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