Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
