you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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