Nicole vs. Life
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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