I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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