i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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