well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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