apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
