he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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