Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
