im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
