Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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