Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
