Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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