she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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