what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
