So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
they're like a gay fantastic four
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
