I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
