It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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