i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
