so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
