clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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