I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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