yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
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