the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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