I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
