why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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