I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
