I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
