I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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