Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
