We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
