We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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