just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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