This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
