Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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