she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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