apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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