I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dick very happy bro
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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