what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
