Tell her she can't have a vagina
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
vagina is talking i cant
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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