I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
