Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
