Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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