I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
