So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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