Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
