I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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