Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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