i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
