Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
