i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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