please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am one with the molecules
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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