I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
