Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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