They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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