A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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